Learning from Arguments Through Empathy
Social media has normalized the practice of sharing everything, including the most intimate details of our relationships. But how far should we go in sharing? The Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard defamation trial is an excellent example of a highly publicized relationship in which arguments were recorded, then shared.
In today's episode of Wisdom Wednesday, Rosie and Tessa discuss the Netflix series Inventing Anna, the Depp v. Heard trial, and the power of recording conversations and arguments (legally and responsibly!) with your significant other. They also build on their relationship experience to talk about the value of self-control and self-reflection in addressing personal and relational issues.
If you're looking for a creative (but still legal!) way to resolve arguments with your partner, this episode is for you!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
Discover a new perspective on recording arguments (with consent!) to resolve personal and relational problems.
Learn the significance of self-reflection when dealing with issues with your partner.
Recognize the value of having healthy conversations with your significant other.
Resources
Connect with and learn more about Tessa Tovar: Website | Instagram | YouTube | Podcast
Grab a copy of Tessa’s book The Dark Moon: A Book of Poetry for Savasana.
Order Rosie’s book You are Radically Loved.
Learn how you can evaluate your arguments through empathy with this FREE ACTION GUIDE. Sign up below and I’ll send it to you right away.
Episode Highlights
[2:45] Inventing Anna and the Realities of Social Media
Inventing Anna is a Netflix series based on the true story of Anna Sorokin, a con artist who swindled hundreds of thousands of dollars from banks, hotels, and influential New Yorkers.
We present an idealized version of ourselves to other people, creating a personal brand of who we are.
Our social media is a curated collection of glamorized snapshots of our lives that we want others to see. The issue arises when we believe this is our reality.
Not everything you see on social media is true.
Tessa says that there’s a little bit of “Anna” in us—desiring to dream big and create a life we are worthy of living.
“Social media [or our] outward existence [is] very curated. You don't really get to see and know somebody's life from a picture or a curated reel that somebody wants you to see.” - Click Here to Tweet This
[7:47] The Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard Trial
Tessa feels compassion towards both parties. Depp and Heard seem traumatized by the events relating to their marriage and divorce.
Watching the trial feels like reading Depp and Heard's diaries.
Listen to the episode to hear more about Rosie and Tessa's thoughts on this case.
[9:40] On Recording Arguments
Rosie and her partner Tori agreed to record their arguments.
The recordings serve as case studies, allowing them to examine their discussions objectively.
It also enables them to see where their ego as a defense mechanism steps in.
The ego says, "I'm right. You're wrong," hindering the other person from expressing their opinion.
[11:33] “With all of the work that I've done in self-development, yoga, mindfulness, [and] being a kind and compassionate human, all of those tools are here—ready for me to use. But just like everybody else, in a heightened state of irritation, especially after being with somebody for almost 20 years, all of those tools go out the window. - Click Here to Tweet This
[11:52] Dealing with Heightened Emotions
Our experiences have equipped us with the tools to deal with people maturely. However, all the devices go out the window once we're emotional.
The conversation is over when you're only going around in circles and defending yourself.
Upon reaching this point, no one is hearing the other person anymore.
Instead of continuing, you can walk away, take a breather, then come back to the discussion with a logical solution.
[14:01] Listening to the Recordings
Going back and listening to your arguments can be cringy, but it will give both parties a new level of awareness.
Once you decide to listen to the recordings, focus on what you said.
Talk to your partner the way you want others to speak to you. Be kind and respectful.
A conversation should serve both sides.
Watch out for Wisdom Wednesday's upcoming episode on difficult conversations with FBI hostage negotiator Jancee Dunn.
[17:57] The Power of Self-Reflection
[19:06] “So whose side is more important? The answer is that both parties are very important.” - Click Here to Tweet This
Self-reflection is critical in dealing with conflict.
We cannot control somebody else's reaction or feelings—we can only control ourselves.
Instead of being explosively reactive, choose your words wisely and respond from a place of kindness.
[21:47] “At the end of the day, all we can do is be better people ourselves. We can't control somebody else's narrative. We can't control somebody else's reactions. We can't control the way we make somebody feel. All we can do is manage our own reactivity—to act from a place of kindness as opposed to being reactive. - Click Here to Tweet This
[23:18] Past Traumas as Triggers
For some people, shouting is a trigger—prompting them to stop listening when someone shouts.
We carry trauma from our past into our relationships, which can act as triggers.
Couples must take time to reflect so that both parties can grow together.
[26:04] “I realized [it] had nothing to do with him and had more to do with my inability to make a decision for myself. Feeling insecure about something that I did, want[ing] to [put it] on somebody else. I think it's really important, actually, that people take that time to reflect.” - Click Here to Tweet This
About Tessa
Tessa Tovar is a health coach from the International Institute of Nutrition (IIN). She specializes in bio-individuality, which focuses on an individual’s specific needs to reach optimal whole-body health. She is also a well-practiced Yogi, with 500 hours of accredited teaching certifications on Vinyasa, Nidra, Restorative, Reiki Level I&II, Pranayama, and guided meditation.
Tessa is also the founder of the Outside the Studio podcast and has her own YouTube Channel where talks about her insights and learnings. In her newsletter, Nutrition for Seasons, she shares yoga tips, and healthy recipes, among others. She is also a published author with the book The Dark Moon: A Book of Poetry for Savasana.
If you want to connect with Tessa, visit her website. You can also check out the Verywell Fit website to learn more about her work.
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To feeling radically loved,
Rosie