#WisdomWednesdays Evolving for the Better: Saying Yes to Change and Self-Development
The world views change as a mode of self-development — change could mean improvements, new benefits, and new beginnings. However, the constant pursuit of change may lead to judging other people who lead different lives. Instead swiftly passing judgment on other people and forcing the idea that your way is correct, approach them with curiosity. We all want to feel seen and heard; disagreements are no excuse to disrespect other opinions.
In this episode of #WisdomWednesday, Rosie and Tessa dive deep into the judgment that comes when we see changes in our lives or other people's. They talk about why we develop biases against or for change. They also share how to handle disagreements with people who have differing opinions lovingly and compassionately.
If you want a more productive and healthy perspective of change and differences in opinion, this episode is for you!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:
Know why we develop internalized biases on change.
Discover why we need to be more adaptable and welcoming of changes in our lives.
Learn to address disagreements without invalidating other people.
Resources
Build for Tomorrow by Jason Feiffer
You Are Radically Loved by Rosie Acosta
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Episode Highlights
[04:12] Internalized Biases on Change
Judgment stems from a place of potential fear or resentment.
Judging other people for resisting to change can make it an issue between them instead of two people against one problem.
There are 4 phases of change: panic, adapt, new normal, and not wanting to return to the time before the problem occurred.
Our first reaction to negative events is panic —we freeze as a self-protection mechanism wherein we numb ourselves and try not to show emotion or reaction.
[11:03] Saying Yes to Change
We are so stuck in how we do things due to our habits, reactions, or fear of change.
We may come to a point where we need to set boundaries with people who say that we've changed when we've just become a better person.
Having the bandwidth for change can be a tool for resilience.
We can start to change how we view change, which helps us adapt and connect with people in a more loving, kind, compassionate, and empathetic way.
When you begin to feel tense, try to pause and remind yourself that this is an opportunity to learn something new and leave your comfort zone.
[14:08] Tessa: "Can I pause long enough to remind myself that this is an opportunity—this is a challenge to learn something new, to practice something that is hard, to practice something that is outside of my comfort zone?” - Click Here To Tweet This
[18:10] How to Deal with Disagreements
[19:06] Tessa: "This is the thing about disagreeing with somebody. I feel like there's a fundamental agreement on what the issue is, it's usually we diverge in the way that we approach the solution of the issue.” - Click Here To Tweet This
Disagreements can stem from diverging in the way two people approach the solution to an issue, even if both parties can agree on what the problem is.
[19:39] Tessa: "What is it about this conversation that makes me feel like I have to be the one that's right? Because I'm sure there's a flavor of truth in her opinion. I'm sure there's a flavor of truth in my opinion. The thing is that issues that we come into contact with like homelessness—all of these things that we experienced as a society, they're so nuanced." - Click Here To Tweet This
Societal issues are very nuanced; there isn't always a single correct way to solve them.
We are in a society where we feel compelled to be right than to be compassionate and kind, which leads to losing the opportunity to connect more deeply.
Try practicing or roleplaying with someone you're close with discussing an important issue. Practice can help build trust, especially when an actual argument happens.
[20:23] Tessa: "I'd love to be able to come into a conversation like that where I know it's heated and it could get heated, and I know I have my own opinion, and stay open enough to listen to the other person. I'd love this to happen. Hear what they have to say, find the truth in what they're saying, and just be able to pause and breathe and let their opinion sink in.” - Click Here To Tweet This
Reevaluate the people around you and what their core values are. We're not here for a long time; make sure that these people align with the deepest core of who you are.
[20:50] Rosie: "It's not about being right; it's about being validated. It's about both people feeling seen, heard, and understood." - Click Here To Tweet This
[30:05] The Wisdom of 50 Years of Being Together
Life’s too short; we need to be able to look at the big picture.
Don’t go on autopilot — you make different, better decisions when you go through life consciously and intentionally.
Sometimes it’s good to be a little silly — listen to the full episode to find out about the tortilla challenge, and how a tortilla can change your life.
About Tessa
Tessa Tovar is a health coach from the International Institute of Nutrition (IIN). She specializes in bio-individuality, a concept focusing on an individual's specific needs to reach optimal whole-body health. She is also a well-practiced Yogi, with 500 hours of accredited teaching certifications on Vinyasa, Nidra, Restorative, Reiki Level I&II, Pranayama, and guided meditation.
Tessa is also the founder of the Outside the Studio podcast and has her own YouTube Channel where she hosts and shares all her insights and learnings. In her newsletter, Nutrition for Seasons, she shares yoga tips, and healthy recipes, among others. She is also a published writer and has authored The Dark Moon: A Book of Poetry for Savasana.
If you want to connect with Tessa, visit her website. You can also go to the Verywell Fit website to know more.
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To feeling radically loved,
Rosie