Overcoming Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman
A positive mindset can be healthy. But if positivity means forcibly dismissing our negative emotions, that is toxic positivity. Understandably, people would prefer to put on a smiling front than deal with the situation. Yet, pressuring ourselves to be happy all the time only leads to more unhappiness.
In this episode of Radically Loved, Whitney Goodman and Rosie delve into the prominence of toxic positivity, especially during the pandemic. They also discuss the cause of toxic positivity and the importance of dealing with our negative emotions individually and as a community. Listen as Whitney and Rosie share their wisdom on overcoming toxic positivity and the benefits feeling the full range of emotions brings to our daily lives.
If you struggle with dealing with negative emotions and want to learn how to overcome toxic positivity, this episode is for you!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
Understand the difference between being positive and toxic positivity.
Know practical ways to deal with and overcome toxic positivity.
Learn how you can help others deal with the daily stresses of life.
Resources
Order Rosie’s book You are Radically Loved or listen to the audiobook.
Get Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy
Episode Highlights
[00:50] What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the unrelenting pressure to be happy or positive at all costs.
It's possible to direct toxic positivity toward ourselves or against other people.
[01:24] Toxic Positivity and the COVID-19 Pandemic
People struggle but prefer to give off a facade of positivity all the time.
The pandemic has caused more people to turn to toxic positivity for fear of being misunderstood.
This is notable among people who find peace or calm in traveling.
[04:05] Fear of Rejection
Humans are biologically programmed to desire to belong to a group.
We fear that people will leave us for being negative, complaining, or hurting.
We are never fully authentic because we force ourselves to be happy.
[05:25] “There's a fine line between being positive and becoming toxic.” —Click Here to Tweet This
[07:16] Discerning Your Bad Place
Positivity can help us solve problems healthily.
Take responsibility and be the agent of your own life.
Use your discernment and recognize the bad places or the chaotic areas in your life.
Train your mind to do the work to pull yourself out of the bad place.
[11:01] Being a Wellness Practitioner during the Pandemic
Whitney's main challenge as a wellness practitioner during the pandemic is to practice what she preaches.
Her pregnancy, book, and clients helped her cope with the stresses of the pandemic.
[12:35] Showing Up for Yourself
Challenges can be teachable moments regarding dealing with complex problems.
Everyone wants an easier life, but the reality is we have to show up and take necessary action.
You can be optimistic and leverage a positive mindset healthily.
Radically accept that your situation is challenging, but remember that it will not stay forever.
[13:07] “I really do believe that we encounter knowledge and teachable moments in our lives to learn to deal with harder situations. gets easier at times, but then at times, it gets harder.”—Click Here to Tweet This
[15:44] Systemic Toxic Positivity
Systemic toxic positivity uses positivity and happiness to maintain the status quo and silence sensitive issues.
It usually stems from people’s inability to feel discomfort and see the world's reality.
Systemic toxic positivity seems friendly when people use it.
For instance, it can sound like, “Why can’t we all just get along?” or “We should be grateful that it is not worse.”
Fortunately, the pandemic has forced people to deal with systematic racism and injustice heads on.
[20:21] Oneness in the Community
Overcoming toxic positivity will allow people to connect with others.
The moment we start to think in duality, in terms of "self" and "other," we have disconnected ourselves from people.
Start by sitting with people and hearing their experiences.
Individual experiences might differ, but the oneness comes from shared feelings or emotions.
Talk about solutions instead of trying to out-tragedy each other.
[21:43] “We just need to have the ability to sit with other people and hear their experiences…I may not be going through exactly what you're going through, but I have also felt fear; I have also felt disconnect.” —Click Here to Tweet This
[24:34] Wellness Practitioner’s Tips on Creating Oneness
People who get dismissed a lot feel compelled to prove the atrocity of their experience before they can vent out.
Create little moments of space for your loved ones or community.
[22:19] “Trauma is trauma. My trauma is no better or worse than yours. It's like trauma exists in the body. It's the same exact response physiologically in your system.” —Click Here to Tweet This
Listen and validate their emotions.
Saying phrases like, “That sounds hard,” allows people to get their validation and eventually stop complaining.
Little interactions matter for people to feel seen and heard.
[26:29] Whitney On Her Book, The Future, And Being Radically Loved
Whitney's favorite portions of the book are the chapters on the history of positive thinking and "discrimination with a smile."
The most difficult parts to writing, according to Whitney, are those that involve her personal experiences.
Whitney would like to teach her future children that all emotions have value.
Whitney feels radically loved from becoming a parent due to the connection being a parent created.
[27:41] “I really want my child or children to know that all emotions have value — positivity and happiness included. And I hope to have everything really on an even playing field” —Click Here to Tweet This
About Whitney
Whitney Goodman, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in helping people improve relationships and emotional awareness. She owns The Collaborative Counseling Center, a private therapy practice in Miami, Florida. She is the author of Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy, in which she shares the latest research and real-life experiences on the damaging effects of toxic positivity. It also presents realistic ways to experience and work through difficult emotions.
Before her private therapy business, Whitney also owned The Collaborative, a community hub that offered private spaces, education, and networking opportunities to clinicians and wellness professionals.
If you want to connect with Whitney, visit her website, or follow her on Instagram!
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To feeling radically loved,
Rosie