The Radically Well Podcast · Season 1, Episode 7
Midlife Crisis or Midlife Reset? Finding Purpose and Reinvention When the Ground Moves
Midlife is not a crisis, it is a reset, but resets rarely feel good at the time. Recorded the day after an upheaval in Rosie Acosta’s working life, this episode finds her and Tessa Tovar talking about losing your drive, feeling like a failure, the people who bet on us, and what to do when you feel completely lost.
When the ground moves under your feet
Rosie has built a career on taking risks. She started podcasting in 2015 to an audience of almost no one, and that show grew into an award-winning podcast with millions of downloads, a book deal and the work she does now. But over the last few years, which she connects to perimenopause, the hunger for the grind faded. She wanted steadiness, and then the steadiness was shaken.
Tessa is in perimenopause now and describes a rollercoaster of emotions she spent decades pushing down, all arriving at once. Together they talk about career and identity in the middle of hormonal change, the stories that make women go quiet, and the practices that help them find their footing again.
What this episode covers
- Why losing your drive in midlife does not mean you have lost your way
- Plateaus in the body, in life and in work, and why you cannot rest there forever
- How Rosie’s podcast went from two downloads to the start of a career
- Why so many women diminish their own voices, and the cost of staying quiet
- The mentors and “angels” who bet on us when we cannot bet on ourselves
- Why the brain is wired for survival rather than happiness, and why security is partly an illusion
- Two very different resets: solo backpacking and service
- Three takeaways: your feelings are valid, you are not lost, and you can learn to ride the wave
Losing the hunger, and finding it again
Rosie describes herself as an entrepreneur who once preached grit to everyone around her. Then, over the last couple of years, she found she did not want the fight anymore. She wanted stability and consistency, and she got them, along with a new set of limits. When a shake-up arrived, her first instinct was that she could always go back to doing the hard work that built everything in the first place.
Her point is that bodies plateau, careers plateau and lives plateau. You can stay comfortable for a long time, but sooner or later something disrupts it. The disruption is often what pushes you out of the nest. As she puts it, everybody wants the view, but nobody wants the climb.
The speech Tessa did not give
Tessa shares a story from a funeral for a mentor who changed her family’s life by helping her husband start his career. Her husband stood up and told that story. Tessa sat behind him wondering why she could not do the same, and afterward she broke down, convinced she was a failure.
Her husband reminded her that she had left a six-figure job to bet on herself, something he says he could never have done. Her takeaway is how often women diminish their own voices, assuming nobody wants to hear their story, and how much we need stories about being scared and doing the hard thing anyway. Rosie adds that she would not be where she is without the people who bet on her.
Stand still and let it find you
The brain, Rosie says, is wired for survival, not happiness, so it is always searching for security that does not fully exist. A secure job can disappear too. When she feels lost, she returns to David Wagoner’s poem “Lost”, in which an elder’s advice to the young is simply to stand still and let the forest find you. She also holds on to the idea that you are on the right path when the path seems to disappear.
They each describe a reset. For Tessa it is solo backpacking: three to five days on sections of the Pacific Crest Trail with a paper map, and the confidence that comes from knowing your survival depends on you. For Rosie it is service, teaching mindfulness in a prison rehabilitation program, which she has done for years and which sends her home full.
Feel it fully, then keep going
Rosie admits she had more than one big cry the day before recording, swinging between sadness and remembering she has been through worse. She is careful not to skip past it: feelings need somewhere to go, and putting your own oxygen mask on first is part of the work.
Their three takeaways: you are allowed to feel what you feel, and it does not make you less whole. You are not lost; you are here, so let here find you. And learn to ride the wave by finding a community that supports you where you are, without gaslighting yourself about how hard it is.
This conversation is educational and is not a substitute for mental health care. If you are struggling to cope, reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
Timestamps
Times refer to the YouTube video.
| 00:01 | Introduction: is midlife the most meaningful phase? |
| 01:32 | When things fall apart, and why you can weather it |
| 03:03 | Losing your drive in perimenopause |
| 04:34 | From two downloads to a career: Rosie’s podcasting story |
| 06:06 | Plateaus, disruption and starting again |
| 09:09 | Tessa on feeling like a failure in perimenopause |
| 13:45 | A funeral, a mentor and why women diminish their voices |
| 16:48 | The people who bet on us |
| 18:18 | “You are on the right path when it disappears” |
| 21:22 | David Wagoner’s poem “Lost” |
| 24:25 | Nature as a reset: solo backpacking |
| 28:59 | Service as a reset: teaching mindfulness in prisons |
| 32:05 | Feel your feelings without bypassing them |
| 35:07 | Three takeaways |
Explore the conversation
Questions explored in this episode
Is it normal to feel lost in midlife?
Very. Career plateaus, a fading drive, hormonal changes and big life events can all arrive at once. Rosie and Tessa frame midlife as a reset rather than a crisis, and their advice is to let yourself feel it fully, then keep going.
Can perimenopause affect your motivation and career?
In Rosie’s experience, it did. Over a couple of years she lost her hunger for the entrepreneurial grind and wanted stability instead, which she connects to perimenopause. Tessa describes feeling like a failure as long-suppressed emotions came to the surface.
What should you do when you feel lost?
Stand still and listen. Rosie draws on David Wagoner’s poem “Lost”, whose advice is to stop and let the forest find you. Time in nature, service to others and a supportive community are the resets the hosts rely on.
How do you find purpose in midlife?
For Rosie, purpose comes through service, teaching mindfulness in a prison rehabilitation program, and through conversations that help people feel they matter. Both hosts point to betting on yourself and using your voice, even when it is frightening.
How do you handle big emotions during a life transition?
Give them somewhere safe to go. Cry, rage or talk it out, but do not bypass your feelings or gaslight yourself about how hard things are. Rosie’s reminder is to put your own oxygen mask on first.
Why do women diminish their own voices?
Tessa realized at a mentor’s funeral how readily she assumed nobody wanted to hear her story. Many women share that assumption. The hosts’ answer is to tell stories about being scared and doing the hard thing anyway, because those stories help other people.
You are not lost. You are here.
Rosie offers mindfulness coaching grounded in self-compassion, with practical tools for anxiety, burnout and the emotional side of change. Coaching is available in English and Spanish.
This episode is a personal conversation and is educational in nature. It does not replace care from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.