The Radically Well Podcast · Season 1, Episode 6
Supporting Her Through Menopause: What Partners Get Wrong, and What Actually Helps
Menopause happens to one person and lands on two. In this episode Rosie Acosta and Tessa Tovar are joined by Torry Pendergrass, Rosie’s partner, for an unusually direct conversation about what the transition looks like from the other side of the bed — the confusion, the misread signals, and what turned out to help.
The conversation most couples never have
Most menopause content is written for the woman going through it. Very little of it is written for the person standing next to her, who is watching someone they love change in ways neither of them chose and neither of them understands yet.
This episode closes that gap. Rosie and Torry talk through their own version of it: the symptoms that got misread as something personal, the arguments that were actually about sleep, and the point at which naming what was happening changed the temperature of the whole house.
What this episode covers
- Why partners so often read symptoms as a verdict on the relationship
- The difference between fixing and witnessing, and why fixing usually backfires
- How to ask about symptoms without making her the project
- What happens to intimacy, and how couples keep connection when desire shifts
- Practical communication that survives a bad night’s sleep
- Why the stigma persists, and what breaks it inside a household
- Advice from both sides for couples going through it now
When symptoms look like a message
A partner who is suddenly irritable, exhausted, or withdrawn is easy to misinterpret. Without a name for what is happening, the obvious conclusion is that something has gone wrong between you — that the distance is about the relationship rather than about hormones, broken sleep and a body behaving unfamiliarly.
Torry is candid about landing on that conclusion, and about how much changed once perimenopause was on the table as an explanation. Rosie describes the same stretch from the inside: knowing something had shifted, and not having the language for it yet.
Witnessing beats fixing
The instinct to solve is well meant and usually lands badly. What the conversation keeps returning to is less dramatic: asking rather than assuming, believing her account of her own body, and being willing to sit with a bad day without needing it resolved by bedtime.
They also get specific about the unglamorous logistics — taking more off her plate during the weeks that are hardest, protecting sleep, and not treating a 3am wake-up as a personality flaw.
Connection when desire changes
Libido shifts are one of the least discussed parts of the transition and one of the most quietly painful for couples. The episode treats it plainly: what changed, what it felt like for each of them, and how they kept closeness going when the old shorthand stopped working.
The thread running through it is that intimacy is broader than sex, and that couples who keep talking tend to find their way back to both.
Why it is still awkward to say out loud
Menopause carries a stigma that makes many women reluctant to name it even at home, and makes many partners reluctant to ask. Rosie and Torry talk about what shifted once they simply started using the word, and why the household conversation has to come before the public one.
This is a personal conversation, not medical advice. Symptoms that persist or interfere with daily life are worth discussing with a qualified healthcare professional.
Timestamps
| 00:00 | Navigating relationships and vulnerability |
| 23:07 | Understanding menopause and partner support |
| 46:33 | Relationship challenges during menopause |
| 49:48 | The impact of menopause on relationships |
| 53:34 | Communication and emotional support |
| 57:28 | The importance of compassion and patience |
| 1:01:32 | Learning and growing together |
| 1:08:02 | Breaking the stigma around menopause |
| 1:12:19 | Finding strength in vulnerability |
| 1:18:43 | Advice for couples facing menopause together |
Explore the conversation
Questions explored in this episode
How do you support a partner going through menopause?
Ask rather than assume, take her account of her own body seriously, reduce the load during the hardest weeks, and protect her sleep. The episode is clear that being present matters more than having answers.
Does menopause affect relationships?
Often, yes. Sleep loss, mood changes, anxiety and shifts in desire all put pressure on a partnership, particularly before anyone has named what is happening. Naming it is repeatedly described as the turning point.
Why does my partner seem angry during perimenopause?
Irritability and anger are common and are usually not about the relationship. Exhaustion, hormonal change and being dismissed elsewhere all feed it. There is more on this in Rosie’s guide to menopause rage.
How do couples keep intimacy during menopause?
By talking about it directly rather than waiting for it to resolve, and by widening what intimacy means while desire is changing. The episode covers what worked for Rosie and Torry specifically.
What should you avoid saying to a partner in menopause?
Anything that treats her symptoms as a mood to be corrected, or that frames the transition as something she is doing to the household. The instinct to fix is the most common misstep discussed.
Is there advice for couples going through this now?
The final section of the episode is exactly that: what both of them would tell a couple at the start of it, from each side of the experience.
You do not have to work this out on your own.
Rosie offers mindfulness coaching grounded in self-compassion and practical tools for anxiety, sleep loss and the emotional side of midlife. Coaching is available in English and Spanish.
This episode is a personal conversation and is educational in nature. It does not replace care from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.