The Radically Well Podcast · Season 2, Episode 1
Perimenopause Weight Gain and Body Image: The Emotional Side of a Changing Body
“I’ve noticed my body changing in ways I can’t control. Weight distribution, skin, energy. How do I learn to accept these changes instead of fighting them?” Rosie Acosta and Tessa Tovar open season two with a listener’s question, and an honest conversation about weight gain, self-talk, anti-aging pressure and keeping food from becoming an obsession.
When your body changes faster than you can adjust
Some changes in midlife are expected: wrinkles, looser skin, cellulite. Others arrive as a surprise. For Rosie, it was gaining significant weight during perimenopause, and she says that, more than any other symptom, was what caused her the most stress. She was in pain, inflamed and unhappy, and everything that had worked before stopped working.
This episode is less about how to lose weight and more about how to live in a changing body without turning on yourself. Rosie and Tessa talk about the way women talk about their bodies, where the fear of aging comes from, how to change your habits without becoming obsessive, and what to do on the days you cannot find a single thing to like.
What this episode covers
- Why self-deprecating body talk with friends keeps us stuck, and what to say instead
- How the anti-aging industry sells fear of becoming irrelevant
- Why women need visible role models for aging
- Cosmetic choices, conscious spending and the question of dose
- Changing how you eat without letting it turn into obsession
- Why what worked last year may not work now, and why that is okay
- The difference between pain and the discomfort that comes with growth
- A daily appreciation practice, and coming back to neutral when appreciation feels impossible
Talking about your body without tearing it down
Rosie noticed a pattern when she gathered with girlfriends: someone says she is fat, the others rush to reassure her, and the conversation becomes a way of fishing for validation. Tessa describes hearing older women bond over how awful aging is and warning her to just wait. Neither of them finds it helpful. It does not make anyone excited about getting older, and it often leaves everyone feeling worse.
Rosie’s alternative is not pretending. She is not going to ignore that she gained weight. But she suggests saying something like: I am really struggling with my body right now, and I am looking for ways to feel better. Starting with how you talk to yourself, she says, changes the energy of the whole conversation. Tessa adds that noticing your self-talk is a practice, not something you master once, and that it is fine to steer a conversation in a new direction, or to find friends who are already going there.
Who sold us the fear of aging?
Rosie points out that nearly everything we are sold is “anti” something: do not gain weight, do not age, do not let nature take its course. Behind it is a fear of becoming irrelevant, and companies that profit from it. Seeing women who visibly embrace their age, gray hair and all, helps undo that conditioning, which is why both hosts want more of those role models in media and in everyday life.
Neither is against cosmetic choices. Tessa is open about spending on anti-aging products and services that make her feel good, while staying conscious of why. Rosie borrows an old idea: the difference between medicine and poison is the dose. Midlife, in her view, is when many women start to recognize and unlearn the patterns installed over decades. Tessa’s own milestone: in her forties she can finally say she loves her body, something she could not have said at seventeen.
Changing your habits without losing the joy
Rosie changed her eating significantly during her health journey, including cutting out sugar for months, and felt better for it. But as someone who struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager, she watches for obsession closely. When she noticed the joy draining out of things, and found herself saying no to birthday cake, she shifted toward something sustainable that leaves room for dessert, travel and the occasional pumpkin waffle. She is open that intermittent fasting has worked for her, and equally open that some women’s health doctors do not recommend it.
The warning signs they both look for: calling yourself “good” or “bad” for what you ate, and saying “I can’t” at a celebration. Tessa’s point is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and what your body needs will keep changing. She can no longer drink alcohol without side effects; for Rosie it is sugar. If something stops working, it is not a personal failure. It may simply not be right for you anymore.
Pain, discomfort and coming back to neutral
Tessa draws a line she teaches in her yoga classes: pain that is causing you harm is different from the discomfort that comes with growth. Change usually involves some discomfort, and staying stuck in the safety bubble keeps you in a low-grade misery of shame and blame. Rosie adds that in the worst of it, what she felt was genuine pain, and both agree the two can exist at once, especially when doctors are dismissive.
Their practical suggestions are small on purpose. Each day, find one thing you appreciate about your body, even if it is just the color of your eyes or your hands, and choose something different each time. And if there is truly nothing, Rosie suggests aiming for neutral rather than gratitude: sit down, close your eyes, feel your breath and simply notice that you are alive. For some days, that is enough.
This is a personal conversation, not medical or nutritional advice. If you are struggling with food, body image or disordered eating, please reach out to a qualified healthcare professional.
Timestamps
| 00:00 | Introduction |
| 03:24 | A listener asks: how do I accept my body changing? |
| 05:49 | Changing how we talk about our bodies |
| 08:25 | Unlearning validation-seeking and self-deprecation |
| 11:43 | How conditioning shapes beauty standards |
| 13:52 | Cosmetic choices and conscious motivation |
| 18:57 | Feeling invisible in media and society |
| 20:46 | Health journeys, fasting, sugar and sustainability |
| 23:48 | Building habits without obsession |
| 27:32 | Education, personalization and adaptability |
| 30:51 | Navigating the wild west of perimenopause |
| 33:24 | Discomfort versus pain, and why growth requires both |
| 38:41 | Returning to aliveness and compassion |
Explore the conversation
Questions explored in this episode
How do I accept my body changing in perimenopause?
Rosie and Tessa start with self-talk: notice how you speak to yourself and stop putting your body down to get reassurance. Practice finding one thing you appreciate each day, aim for neutral on harder days, and spend time with people who are navigating the same changes.
Why does weight gain in perimenopause feel so hard emotionally?
For Rosie, it caused more stress than any other symptom. She was in pain, inflamed and sad, and the habits that had always worked stopped working. It lands in a culture that ties women’s worth to looking young, which makes the change feel even more personal.
How do I stop negative body talk with friends?
Notice it first. Then try naming what is actually happening, such as “I am really struggling with my body right now and looking for ways to feel better”, instead of putting yourself down. You can steer the conversation somewhere new, and look for friends who model a healthier relationship with aging.
How do you know if healthy eating has become obsessive?
Rosie and Tessa watch for a few warning signs: the joy draining out of food, labeling yourself “good” or “bad” for what you ate, and saying “I can’t” at a celebration. Rosie, who had an eating disorder as a teenager, treats these as signals to loosen her grip.
What is the difference between pain and discomfort?
In Tessa’s framing, pain is something that is causing you harm, while discomfort is a normal part of growth and change. They can exist together. Learning to tell them apart, ideally with support, helps you know when to push and when to stop.
What if I cannot find anything I like about my body?
Rosie suggests aiming for neutral rather than forcing gratitude. Sit down, close your eyes, feel your breath and notice that you are alive. You do not have to love your body today to begin treating it more kindly.
Start with how you talk to yourself.
Rosie offers mindfulness coaching grounded in self-compassion, with practical tools for anxiety, sleep loss and the emotional side of midlife. Coaching is available in English and Spanish.
This episode is a personal conversation and is educational in nature. It does not replace care from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.